Can of Air!

This cylindrical black and yellow object bares no resemblance to the dry air that you’re so used to breathing. Rather, it is a disguise, a tactic, a hidden meaning, a nuance. This tricky little can will take care of your dust and make you marvel at the ingenuity of its creator. At a measly $4.97, you can purchase enough to blow-dry your hair—maybe. Net Wt. 10 oz. (284 g.), to be exact. Let it all go. Let it fly through the air like it’s the first time—or the last time—that you’ll ever be able to experience the succulent sound of wind-- synthesized, reproduced, and crammed tightly into a short and shiny can. The can speaks only joy to you. It says, "Press my buttons, release my spirit from its prison, and then fork out another $4.97 for my services." You know you like it. Breathe it. Go ahead, breathe it. Feel it expand your lungs’ capacity to nebulous horizons.

First Aid: Inhalation: Move to fresh air. Give artificial respiration if necessary. Skin: Flush with water. Ingestion: Do not induce vomiting. Call physician immediately. Eyes: Flush with water. If conditions persist, call physician.