Comic relief...

Just picked up a George Carlin book that I had lying around... here's a few little quips:

"I've never been quarantined, but the more I look around the more I think it might not be a bad idea"

"If there really are multiple universes, what do they call the thing they are all a part of?"

"THE CHRISTIANS ARE COMING TO GET YOU, AND THEY ARE NOT PLEASANT PEOPLE"

"One of my favorite things to do at a party is to take a bunch of PCP and start taking people's rectal temperature without permission"

"When he got loaded, the human cannonball knew there were not many men of his caliber"

"If you listen to his voice carefully without looking at the screen, Ted Koppel sounds like he's taking a shit"

"SPOTS ARE DOTS UP CLOSE" "DOTS ARE SPOTS FAR AWAY"

"There is now a Starbucks in my pants"